papoose: (fuck off)
papoose ([personal profile] papoose) wrote2009-03-31 09:47 am
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Just to clarify, I do not dislike lawyer jokes.

Please, tell them.

[identity profile] 2009-03-31 02:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Why don't snakes bite lawyers? Professional courtesy
Edited 2009-03-31 15:15 (UTC)

[identity profile] 2009-03-31 02:50 pm (UTC)(link)
It was so cold one February day in Aberdeen that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!

[identity profile] 2009-03-31 03:07 pm (UTC)(link)
yeah.. the user icon makes that statement believable hehe

[identity profile] 2009-03-31 03:09 pm (UTC)(link)
An Observation by Sandra Day O'Connor
"There is no shortage of lawyers in Washington, DC. In fact, there may be more lawyers than people."

The Hundred-Dollar Bill.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

A Reasonable Fee
A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?"
The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars."
"A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?"
"It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"

Questions About Lawyers
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: Your honor.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.

Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: If you have a bad lawyer, why not get a new one?
A: Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.

Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.

Click and pasted fresh off:

[identity profile] 2009-03-31 03:15 pm (UTC)(link)
It's a good thing you credited these...

[identity profile] 2009-03-31 04:17 pm (UTC)(link)
I think that could be construed as practicing without a license...

[identity profile] 2009-03-31 04:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Why did NY get the lawyers and NJ the toxic waste dump?

NJ had first choice.

bada boom

[identity profile] 2009-03-31 05:56 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm so proud of you - shame on them for joking with you. It's also a shame that a few bad apple lawyers have tainted the rest.

[identity profile] 2009-03-31 06:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Q. What's black and tan and looks good on a lawyer?
A. A doberman.

Q. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.

Did you hear that scientists have found out it is better to experiment on lawyers? You don't get attached to them and there are just some things a rat won't do.

(You DO know I work for a lawyer and she's the BEST boss and it's the best job I have ever had.)

[identity profile] 2009-03-31 07:06 pm (UTC)(link)
I especially like the third.

[identity profile] 2009-04-01 03:06 am (UTC)(link)
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.


[identity profile] 2009-04-01 01:22 pm (UTC)(link)

Happy Birthday Papoose!

[identity profile] 2009-04-02 02:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks, BF :)

[identity profile] 2009-04-01 04:30 pm (UTC)(link)
I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a Congress ( (2:00 in)

Okay, not really a lawyer joke, but I like the quote anyway.

I don't really know many lawyer jokes...

By the by, happy birthday :)

[identity profile] 2009-04-02 02:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Close enough.
Thanks, Keith. Hope you got a lot done on your day off.

[identity profile] 2009-04-02 11:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Not as much as I would have wanted, but still productive.

I hope you had a nice birthday.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. What, did you think this was some sort of lawyer joke?

[identity profile] 2009-04-01 08:47 pm (UTC)(link)
why the finger? are you practising at being very angry?

[identity profile] 2009-04-02 02:47 pm (UTC)(link)
No no.
I apologize if you are offended.